Nota Bil. 3

Hey, if you read this. I urgently need you to rescue me before I make a wrong move that will change our lives. This guy proposed me and he started to discuss with me about all those things. I hate it. Im not ready yet or to be exact, I dont want him. 

Hahahaha sepatutnya aku patut bagitau kau directly tapi haritu bila aku bagitau, everything until my heart content. Hmm hampeh. I know you still love me, kalau tak, takdenya kau terus menerus tanya pasal aku dekat orang keliling kau. Perhhh yakinnya chuolls, excuse my perangai tak senonoh, kah! Please, baca la weh. Tolong lah buka and baca. You know the existance of this blog, didnt you? Or maybe you forgot about it. Kau memang selalu lupa pasal aku pun. Hmm cedihh titeww. Please rescue me from doing something that Im not sure about it. To be honest, aku buat istikharah dan muka kau keluar. Banyak kali dah aku buat, masih kau. The latest one, when I did istikharah again. I dreamt of you and the next day you appeared infront of me. I do not know about your part but I did my best to strengthen my decision which is absolute. Tapi kalau kau masih tak muncul, what can I do? 

Nota Bil. 2

I have tried my best to ... to forget you. 

Istikharah ✔️

Opinions from family ✔️

Opinions from friends ✔️

What my heart and mind told me ✔️

Hanis Zalikha kata: Kita cinta dia dan orangnya susah nak sakitkan hati kita, terimalah sebagai suami. Takmolah hidup dengan orang yang menyakitkan hati. I really want that kind of person because I easily get annoyed with a few or manyyyyy people lolololol. 

Tapi, tau apa yang selalu akan confuse kan otak? Confuse bila istikharah dapat jawapan A, family said B+BCD, friends told you that you should do XYZ and your heart and mind still wants to win your ego hahaha vangang. So? So? So what should you do? Titew nak nanesss sobs sobs. Sampai satu tahap, what you can decide is goodbye guys, Im gonna be single forevahhh unless I got that guy then I will marry him and I will never let him leave mehhh and I will pamper him like he is my babyyy (like seriously?) and whatevahhh. Benda jadi senang kalau siapa yang kita nak tu datang and just say: "Hey, I want to wife you. Please be mine". OwEmJi. 

So ... Please come to me.

Still

"You are still breaking my heart and you don't even know. If you read this entry, it is for you. Many months have passed and I still cannot get over for what we went thru. After what you did, I told myself: "Just forget this stupid-egomaniac guy like this" but my feeling towards you remain. You do not realize this but my heart burst because of you and you hurt me without you knowing it."

I have found a good man, much better than you but he cannot shake my heart like you did. He gives his all to me: love, patience, care. I have tried to accept him and it works for a few months but then all turns to shit when I start to distance myself because I do not want to hurt him because of my feeling for you. Can you please tell me that you hate me so I can hate you more and I can love him with my heart content because he loves me with all his heart? I hate this "still" feeling towards you.

You have learnt your lesson. I gave you double shit and pain. You started to ask around about me and yes, you know how does it hurt, isn't it? 

"But I held onto you. I took all my feelings, my wants and need and dreams and I buried them inside you. I planted a seed and watched and prayed over it. I planted myself inside you and waited to bloom. And it didn't take me no 18 years to realize the soil was hard and rocky and it wasn't never gonna bloom. But I held onto you, I held you tighter." - Fences



It takes me 6 years to make myself to bloom inside you. I prayed for it, put hopes and faith on you. In the end, all I got is shit.

Now, wait for me. I will give your shit back. I will make it double. Slowly but surely.